letting-go

What does it mean to let go?

The topic of letting go has come up multiple times this week. Several friends have told me that this year was a good year for learning how to let go more. So that got me thinking…. what does it actually mean to let go?

First thought – I think of Sylvester Stallone holding on to a man in cliffhanger, trying to save his life. The mans glove loosens and he falls to his demise. Is that letting go?

Second thought – On an episode of Gotham, Jim Gordon let’s Barbara, his ex-fiancee, while trying to save her from falling out of a window. Only difference is she was originally trying to kill him. She went insane and this time letting go was releasing her from the wrong turn her life had come to be.

Third thought – a song written by DeWayne Woods called, Let Go:

As soon as I stop worrying,
Worrying how the story ends.
When I let go and I let God
Let God have his way
That’s when things start happening
When I stopped looking at back then

These reflections taught me several things

  1. Sometimes it is critical for us to hold on. Maybe not for our own sake, but for the sake of another. Possibly someone else is really in need of our help we need to keep a tight grasp and not let them go.
  2. Sometimes we hold to something we shouldn’t. Things that have a strong sentiment from the past can be hard to let go of. It takes a lot of courage and wisdom to realize when something is no longer good for us. We might be wasting a lot energy trying to hold on. That energy could be put into something else.
  3. Letting go means facing what is – now. I sometimes fill my mind with thoughts about “what if.” There are too many possibilities to sort through. The possibilities of possibilities jumble my mind and create anxiety. In order to let go I need to

take a breath,
acknowledge the fact that things may not go right in the end,
consider what has gone right up to this point,
be grateful for that,
remind myself of my purpose and focus,
then move forward with what I can do right now,

The hardest part for me is acknowledging that things may go all wrong in the end. Is it the same for you?

Let me know your thoughts.

In the mean time, here are some handpicked shares to make you think even more.

 

Attituning: Mind


 

What will you tell others

A short snippet meant for marketers, but interesting to think about in our own daily life.

via sethgodin.typepad.com

Spot that contingency

“Hundreds of psychology studies have proven that we tend to overestimate the importance of events we can easily recall and underestimate the importance of events we have trouble recalling.” Making a contingency table is a good way to discover where you are making assumptions or are misguided in your thinking. 

via jamesclear.com

Tune in to that inner voice

Listen to your inner voice. Not only is it there to protect you, but it can guide you toward people, places, information, and ideas that can transform your life.”

via tinybuddah.com

Attituning: Body


How to get back in tune with your body

Being aware of your physical self is also important. Learning how to tune in to what your body needs takes effort and action. Practicing tai chi has been an excellent exercise for me to tune into my body. Other ideas to consider: getting a massage, taking a brisk walk in nature, acupuncture and many more.

via mindbodygreen.com

The breath that takes your cake cravings away

I never thought about using breathing exercises to curb cravings. Well, apparently there is a way.

via mindbodygreen.com 

Attituning: Location independence


Finding time to blog and write

I’ve met quite a few people who tell me they want to start a blog one day. For some reason they never do. I’m putting together a new course on creating a website or blog easily, called Make. WordPress. Simple. I’m pretty sure people will respond with the challenge, “I would do it if I had the time.” Well this post from problogger might help.

via problogger.net

Yoga by JetBlue

Interesting offering by the JetBlue team. They are now having free yoga sessions at JFK airport.

via mindbodygreen.com

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Jim Rohn Habits

How to build a habit in the next five days

Building habits does not have to be difficult. You can read about the science of habits or the power of habits all you want. It won’t get you there unless you suck it up and simply get started.

I’ve heard that it takes 30 days to build a habit. The other day a guy told me it takes 21 days.

The truth is that it it’s not about the number of days at all.

To initially imprint a habit in your mind you need five unique experiences. This creates a pattern record in your brain. The determining factor of whether you maintain it or not really depends on the context in which you perform and the complexity of the task.

So how can you build a habit in the next five days?

Strategy: Start super tiny.

Step 1. Define a small action that you can start doing each day. It must be easy to repeat. Let me give you a few examples.

Take one multivitamin in the morning.

Drink a full glass of water as soon as you wake up.

Do 10 pushups before going to bed.

Step 2. Write it down somewhere you can see it each day. like your bathroom mirror or your wardrobe.

Step 3. Create a tracking system for yourself. could be in your phone or on a calendar

Step 4. Mark each time you complete the task that day. Go for five in a row.

Step 5. After 10 days, review how you feel and see if you should continue, adjust or stop that habit.

 

Make it something super easy that is almost impossible not to complete. Ideally you want to choose an action that is in line with your direction/goal for the year.

Simple as that.

Need more info about habits? check these out

Dr. BJ Foogs has a website dedicated to tiny habits – http://tinyhabits.com

Mark Manson has a free ebook on habits – http://markmanson.net/habits

James clear also has an ebook on habits – http://jamesclear.com/habits

 

Attituning: Mind


Wake up, Roll over, and….

I wake up and turn off my sleep cycle app. It asks what my mood is and then takes my pulse. However, I am learning that this action is creating a context where I start the day off wrong. The worst thing to do in the morning when you wake up is check your phone. This article explains why.

-via handsfreemama.com

Feel the flow

Whether you call it flow or getting in the zone, we all know that feeling where time disappears and we are in tune with what we are doing. We are present. The challenges is that this state of flow is not easy to trigger. I’ve gone through some trial and error trying to find ways to trigger flow. Fortunately I also found an interesting slideshare that outlines 17 flow triggers.

via slideshare

Fear of labels

I hate it when people ask me, “what do you do?” Millions of thoughts run through my mind trying to calculate which role I should introduce. You see, I have many different things that I do. In that moment in time I want to say the right “thing” that will be strategically beneficially. Underneath, I have a fear of being labeled in the wrong way. How do you deal with that question?

-via puttylike.com

 

Attituning: Body


10% of your daily calories in a cup

Alcohol is fun when we are consuming. The after effects can be much more than just having a bad headache the next day. According to this infographic, alcohol has an impact on your body fat and weight. I think I will consider trading those pilsners for more time planking.

-via lifehack.org

Warm those berries

I saw that the east coast of the US was hit pretty bad with a storm. Over here in shanghai we’ve been battling sub-zero (Celsius) temperatures. If you’ve got a blender and a few of the right ingredients it might be time to make a warm smoothie. I think I’m going to try the pumpkin smoothie.

-via mindbodygreen.com

 

Attituning: Location independence


Is enough really enough?

“Being location independent means that you don’t have a boss or a corporation telling you what to do, but it also means that you have to make your own decisions on how to spend your time. ”

-via tropicalmba

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HALF ACCEPTING AND HALF *SSING

Welcome to the first issue of Attituning Weekly – a newsletter for people interested in personal development and location independent entrepreneurship. I’d like to start this issue off with a post that was published by Seth Godin, Half Measures. It’s really made me think as I review 2015 and start focusing on plans for 2016.

Half Measures
If you’re hungry, half a meal is better than no meal.
But if you need light, half a lightbulb is actually worse than none at all.
If you’re hoping for an 8% return on your investment, 4% is a lot better than zero.
And half a home run is worse than nothing.
We make two common mistakes:
Refusing half when it’s a whole lot better than nothing, and,
Accepting half when we’d be better off waiting for what we really need.
We are at our best when we set our standards before the offer comes, and when we don’t waver in the moment.
Think about it: Have you been waiting for something to be fully ready when half is good enough to get going? What have you been accepting half of when you should really say “not yet” until you find what you really need?

2015 Review

James Clear 2015 Annual Review

James takes a look back at his year. A good model if you are looking for a format to use for your reflection. Also, a good way to get a click link to some of his favorite work from the year.
Smart Tune I like how he has quantified a lot of what he does.
via james clear

Essentials of Zen Habits 2015

Leo captures essential happenings of 2015.
Smart Tune: Scroll down to his best of 2015 section

via zen habits

The practice of year end reflection

Learned some interesting ways to review the year. I always used to go through my 15 question checklist. This year I think I will implement a few of the practices found in this piece.
Smart tune: look at your amazon purchases over the last year. are there any patterns from 2015?
via zenhabits.net
Shift Forward

Most popular resolutions for 2016

I thought everyone would set resolutions for things like losing weight, being healthier, staying in touch more, etc. The most popular resolutions might come as a surprise.
via inc.com

Resolution sabotaging habits

10 things to pay attention to that may be sabotaging your resolution planning.
<via Michaelhyatt.com

6 Questions to ask to make 2016 an awesome year

I’ll make it easy for your. I’ll put the questions below. Read the entire article for more detail.
Smart tune: What should i start? What should I stop? What should I do more of? What should I do less of? What should I continue? What should I be grateful for?
via inc.com

Intuition + Good Work = Success

Many people are jumping on the bandwagon of resisting the urge to set new year’s resolutions. This piece shares thoughts on trusting your intuition and doing your best work where you are.
Smart tune: trust your intuition.
via positivelypositive.com

The Guiding Word

Another alternative to setting resolutions you probably won’t keep.
Smart tune: Choose a guiding word for the year. I think mine would be Systematize  What would yours be? Hit reply and tell me your guiding word for the year.
via positivelypositive.com

Reading List

Can’t afford a life coach? Read these 10 books in 2016

Not everyone is ready or willing to engage a life coach (like me :). In the interim there are books, websites and newsletters (like this one :) that can be leveraged. I haven’t ready any of the books on this list, but they look really interesting. I’ll have to give them a read and write up some reviews. Would you read the review?
via mindbodygreen.com

Happiness precedes success

Have you ever thought, “as soon as [fill in the blank] happens, I can be happy.” What if the reverse is true? Be happy on the journey
Smart tune: Celebrate small wins to fill your brain with dopamine
via pick the brain

10 Secrets to Momentum and Clarity

Which comes first clarity or momentum? Clarity can be a lot like inspiration, it finds you when you are working. Sitting around humming and waiting for clarity may not be the best way to find it. Start your course and clarity will come as you move.
via liveyourlegend.net

Business

How to ask a client for a testimonial that sells your product for you

One of the things that I struggle with is getting a good testimonial from a client. Ideally I would like one that can be used to help convince future clients to buy, right? Start with this article to get a few strategies for getting the testimonial you want.
via iwillteachyoutoberich.com

When to charge by the hour

There are times when we should charge by the project. It’s mutually beneficial to get something done without being paid for the time it takes. This short piece offers some insight for when charging by the hour might be the best option.
via sethgodin.typepad

What a side hustle can do for your career

There are times when we should charge by the project. It’s mutually beneficial to get something done without being paid for the time it takes. This short piece offers some insight for when charging by the hour might be the best option.
via dumblittleman.com

11 Content marketing challenges solved

Rather than searching the internet for answers this post will quickly answer some of the top content marketing challenges. One of my challenges was making my content more personal and being able to share more. Hence, I created a curated newsletter. I want to stay connected with you :)
Smart tune: hit reply and tell me what you think
via contentmarketinginstitute.com

Visualization gives you wings – why you should add it to your fitness routine

“The man who has no imagination has no wings.” ~ Muhammad Ali

You’ve heard the stories of champions who attribute their success to visualization. Serena Williams, Tiger Woods, Muhammad Ali and the list goes on. The testimonials are inspiring. Before you close your eyes and imagine yourself with super big muscles, let’s take a real look at the science of visualization and how mind workout can help your fitness routine.

What is visualization anyway?

To put it simply, visualization is a mental rehearsal.

To make it more complex, visualization uses the senses and mental imagery to create or recreate an experience in the mind.

For fitness and athletics, visualization is the practice of using your mind to imagine and create a blueprint of what you would like to see in your performance to improve it and reach new levels of achievement.

When you visualize something in your mind in clear detail, from particular viewpoints, your mind will react as if it were real. Imagine for a second that you are looking at your left arm and lifting your left arm up over your head. The same parts of your brain are firing up and sending signals to the muscles in your left arm. Kinda cool, right?

Mind Strength and Body Strength

As study done by Bishop University found that people who visualized working out were able to gain almost as much strength as a group who actually worked out. Wow!

They had three groups work on developing their strength. One group was allowed to workout in the gym. A second group was only allowed to perform a mental workout and carry out their normal day’s business. A third group was not allowed to work out mentally or physically. They could just go about their daily business.

The results showed that the first group increased strength by 28%. Surprisingly the second group increased strength by 24%! That’s pretty close for just visualizing a workout.

Mental Practice for Actual Performance

There is also the study done by Alan Richardson in Australia. He used the same three group method to test performance improvement in shooting a basketball. I could find a specific research document for this. Nevertheless, this examples is used in many posts and articles online.

We see examples of these things all the time.

Even top ranked tennis star Novak Djokovic talked about it as a key tool in reaching peak performance, “One of the ways is to kind of meditate but not meditate with the intention of going away from those problems, but visualize.”

Djokovic knows what he is doing to prepare himself, but makes an interesting comment about mediation.

How is it different than meditation, mindfulness, guided imagery, hypnosis and all that other baloney?

Visualization is used in all of these practices, but these practices in themselves do not equate to visualization only. Some have more things involved. Some have less.

Meditation is a form of focusing inward to quiet the mind and aim for total presence. One tries to empty thoughts and simply observe what is going on inward and outward.

Mindfulness is the act of being aware of your surroundings and your own place in the universe.

Guided Imagery is probably the closest thing to visualization because it takes you step-by-step through a series of scenes and settings to relax or motivate you.

Hypnosis uses imagery and visualization to get the body to relax and the conscious mind to lower its barriers. Through relaxation and acceptance a hypnotist is able to make suggestions with a higher likelihood of acceptance by the conscious mind.

There is a little something else you should know

Visualization works really well when you are a visual person. About 65% of the population has a preference for visual images. That is what makes it so popular. However, there are some who prefer auditory or kinesthetic imagery. This is important for you to know before taking on your visualization practice.

How do I know if I am visual, auditory or a kinesthetic type?

A simple way to test yourself is to tell a friend about a vacation you took in the last few years. Imagine you are at the vacation spot and talk about what is around you.

If the language you use is mostly about what you see, you’re probably more visual.

If you describe the sound and the atmosphere, chances are you are more on the auditory side.

If you describe the textures and feelings of things, you are kinesthetic.

Another way is to use the free test on business balls

How and the heck do I visualize?

Visualization is like creating a movie in your mind. You need a director, a cameraman and an audio guy.

The director (aka prefrontal cortex) assess and manages the entire thing.

The cameraman is your mind’s imagination. You are able to see and feel. You can zoom in and out. You can focus and unfocused certain parts. You can change also change the viewpoint like you will read about below.

The audio engineer adds that dolby surround sound experience for your visualization. This really hypes up the neural networks and sends the dopamine pouring throughout your system.

There are five steps to follow through a visualization exercise.

1. Relax  getting your body and mind to be calm and present.

2. Third person view – creating a mental image where you are watching yourself performance the action.

3. First person view – creating a mental image as if you have a camera on your forehead and you are performance the actions.

4. Supercharge with emotion – injecting some emotional language and feeling into your imagery to enhance the neural connections made.

5. Imagine the Outcome – seeing the final result as if it has already happened (or better as if it is happing now.

For fitness, first person view is the most powerful. When you can imagine yourself, as yourself, going through the motions you are reinforcing the patterns in your brain that create the muscle memory blueprint.

An example

Let’s imagine that you are a crossfit athlete about to do clean and press. Before you go into the actual movement you decide to use your massively developed visualization skills, not your muscles.

Here is how it goes down

Step 1. You relax your body using your breath and refocusing your mind on the present.

Step 2. You take a first person view in your mind to imagine completing the clean and press.

Step 3. You supercharge your visualizations by imagining the sensations you feel: the air, the heartbeat, the people watching, the feeling of the weight, the ground, etc.

Step 4. You use your words to reinforce those feelings and describe what your sensations are.

Step 5. Picture the point where you are finished the full exercise. How do you feel? What are the sensations in your body? Is anyone around cheering you on? Make it detailed.

What is happening secretly

As you start to imagine the scenario, your brain is sending signals down to the same parts of your brain responsible for the movement. Cool right. Of course, you’re not going to jerk your leg and shoulder while you are imagining. It’s all internal.

Perfect practice makes perfect. I suggest that you go through your movements with a trainer first to make sure you are getting it right. Then go over the moves and techniques in your mind before and after your workouts. This is probably the best method for implementing visualization into your workout routine.

What next

Visualization for fitness activity is just the beginning. You are ahead of the game if you can combine your mental fitness with physical fitness. The next stage is in taking your game to outside world. Can you visualize your work, finances, relationships and so forth. Give it a try and you might surprise yourself how much can be achieved with a little mental rehearsal.

Visualize to Materialize

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How to add me on periscope

Periscope is a relatively new tool that allows you to broadcast what you see from anywhere you have internet connection. People from all over the world can tune in to watch your broadcast, ask questions and tap the screen to send hearts. It’s like livestream-meets-snapchat for your phone. You can learn more about it here. 

I like that you can save a broadcast for 24 hours and then it is GONE. I would like to test out using periscope for some live streaming lessons from China. The topics are still TBD. In the meantime you should download periscope and follow me. How to add me on periscope:

Follow me on periscope and you will be notified whenever I am broadcasting.

Step 1: Download & Install Periscope

Apple iPhone – https://itunes.apple.com/app/id972909677

Android – https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=tv.periscope.android

Step 2: Search for me (Paris Law) on Periscope

Searchforme-1

Step 3: Tap the follow button next to my name

Searchforme-2

Step 4: Tune in to the broadcasts 

Some lessons will only be available on periscope. Be sure you don’t miss out.

Sign up for email notifications to get an updated schedule of what is coming soon

5 Life Design Alternatives to 9 to 5

I hate sitting in a cubicle for more than 30 minutes.

A part of me feels like it is a prison that I need to emerge from in order to have a real life. I know it’s not true, but it feels that way. Who ever decided that we need to work from 9am to 5pm anyway (well now it is til 6pm, right?) I know there is a better way.

I’m on a mission to fight cubicle complacency and empower others to do more meaningful work. In this post I want to share 5 life design models I came across while reading about Scanners, Slashers, Multipotentialites and Shifters. Hopefully these will yield some inspiration to try changing the way you work.

1. Remote Work Model

The perfect way to be in two places at once. It is like having a presence in your office while also enjoying the cool breeze that hits your forehead while sipping an iced hibiscus tea near a wonderful beachside villa. More an more people are embracing the reality that you don’t need to be chained to a desk. Technology allows us to get most of our work and meetings done from anywhere. Give it a try.

2. Schoolteacher Model

Imagine getting summer and winter holidays. It is not just for the kids. This work model is for the person that is willing to churn out some work over a few months and take a short mini-vacation in between. It works for teachers. Could it also work for you?

I’m not sure if this model would work for me. I tend to always want to pursue some passion or project year round.

3. Double Life Model

It’s okay to do more than one thing in the same day. I work on wordpress websites in the mornings and my coaching business in the afternoon. I tend to use my lunch break as a transition time to change location and my mindset. You could also do the same. Maybe one part of your day is dedicated to a skill that brings home the rent money. The next part of your day could be focused on building that body of work that you’ll be proud of 5 years from now.

This type of model is great for the person who has passions that exist outside of their normal money making routine.

4. Problem Solver Model

When I worked in a larger company this tended to be my way of working. Someone would present a problem and assume it needed some training. I would go dig into the problem and figure out a way to modify the process or provide training that would update employee skills.

The problem solver enjoys going from project to project and having the opportunity to help solve issues. The best part is that they don’t need to stick around for the maintenance portion of the job. That would be too boring.

5. Rapper Model

Well, not exactly “rapper,” but I thought it would be interesting. RAP (Random Acts of Passion) is where a person does not have a set project or schedule in place. Upon awakening you would tune into which one of the many passions you have and start digging into one of them them.

This person probably has a rolodex of passions to choose from. Imagine a card deck of 52 passions.

How would this person make money? That is a very good question to ask. Their passions would have to some how be connected to the creation of a product of some sort.

Your Turn

There are 5 different models of working for you to think about. Which one do you think fits your style best?

If you’re feeling a little confused and stagnate, contact me for some coaching

Assertiveness principles for the multipotentialites and scanners

What do you do when you are bombarded with tasks that are unappealing, not interesting?

As a multipotentialite you are a passionate person, meaning you care about the work that you do. Spending countless hours on tasks that are like a Dyson vacuum cleaner sucking away at your soul is not worth your time. You’ve got to be more assertive.

Assertiveness is something that our mentors, coaches, managers and leaders all talk about. The word comes up a lot. Occasionally you’ll hear the ex-football-all-american-now-turned-executive talk about being aggressive.

We’re not looking to run over people. We want to be assertive and fully express our needs. There are a few core principles to follow when practicing your assertiveness.

Assertiveness Principle #1

Every person has the right to express and pursue the fulfillment of his/her needs. It does not mean that their needs have to be met. At the very least there should be the respect and openness to acknowledge the needs of everyone. We have a right to have our needs heard. Being assertive ensures that you express your needs in a way that is non-aggressive, that does not hurt others.

Assertiveness Principle #2

Assertiveness is all about finding balance, discovering your “sweet spot” in communication. Getting what you need means that you cannot be a pushover. You’re not the whimpering little puppy that can be forced into submission by the big dog.

You’re also not trying to be the big dog that is barking out in way that makes people feel like they might get into a physical confrontation with you. Finding the balance between passive and aggressive communication is not easy. It takes learning, practice and reflection.

There is a post on lifehack.org with some practical tips that you could try today. You could also work with me to get to your place of clarity and balance.

Assertiveness Principle #3

Assertiveness focuses on behavior, how that behavior affects you and what change is requested. It is never abusive or insulting. Assertive communication maintains a safe pool of communication, as described in the book crucial conversation.

This usually includes some formula or conversation pattern that:

  • Identifies the specific behavior
  • Expresses how that affects you
  • Requests a change in behavior

Your Turn

Do you have an assertive communication formula that you like to use?

HOW TO LEARN ANYTHING TOOLKIT

How to Learn Anything – Email Course

Want to learn a new skill? Or maybe you’re trying to make a plan to play the ukulele better. Whatever you want to do this course will teach you the necessary steps to hack your learning.

In this 5-lesson course I will show you how to:

  • Focus only on what’s relevant to your goals Right Now
  • Be specific about what you want to learn and why
  • Finish what you started before you begin learning something new
  • Apply everything you learn to real life, whether it’s work or personal

Hope you enjoy it.

 

Are you a multipotentialite?

What do you do? Do you have trouble responding to that question?

Have you found yourself saying “my day job is…. But my real passion is….?”

If so, you are not alone. There are many others like you, those with several specialties and interests. You might be what Emilie Wapnick calls a multipotentialite.

This idea was first introduced to me by a friend who recommended Emilie’s TED talk.

What is a multipotentialite?

A multipotentialite is a person with various interests and areas of expertise. This is the musician and software engineer. Could also be the marketer with knack for rock collecting.

Multipotentialites have several paths and passions that they can pursue and be very good at. This makes it extremely difficult to name their one thing. I’ve been a bartender, trainer, public speaker, digital marketer, basketball player, coach, educator, tea master and many others.

Are there other names for this?

Generalist, Multipod, scanners, slashers, renaissance soul are some of the names I’ve seen used.

Any Famous Multipods?

Aristotle, Leonardo Da Vinci, Tim Ferriss,

How is a multipotentialite different than a specialist?

A specialist feels comfortable with doing one thing really well. They find their thing and fulfill their purpose doing that. This is what we are often told in personal development programs and career columns. Find your thing. Niche down and nail it.

Niche down or Theme up

As a multipotentialite I offer another way of looking at it. Rather than niching down, what if you were to theme up? Take all of your interests and find the common thread that connects it together.

For me I have found joy in empowering others to shine. Whether I’m mixing a cocktail or building out a content calendar, I’ve been drawn to helping those around me find their theme and learning how to really ignite that fire.

Your turn?

Are you a multipotentialite/slasher/scanner? Tell me about your interests.

Have you read Barbara Sher’s (Refuse to Choose)  or Emilie Wapnick’s (Renaissance Business) book? What do you think?